My co-worker just asked me if i colored my hair. Time to take a shower.
i figure i've seen his cum stains on the floor, i'm allowed to say these things.
I am 100% positive that I have seen a porno that was shot in this bar.
Hi, this is a test of the morning after apology broadcast system. If you're receiving this pre-recorded message there is a high probability I was a dickwad to you in the past 24 hours. You have my utmost and sincere apologies. Also if you have my wallet, house key, left converse, or lighter, give them/it back
It's called the eyeliner-blowjob correlation, read a science book bro
well I think it'll pretty much be gone by Saturday. On a scale of 1- Snooki's unborn child how much do periods freak you out?
That's exactly how my pussy feels when I shave it. Like a cross between a naked mole rat and a newborn child. Embrace it.
He's laying next to me passed out dressed as a hooters girl
I bet he's a super pretty hooters girl
HES DOING PULLUPS BE STILL MY BEATING HEART
Worse than that. I caught my roommate jerking off to a topless stripper in gta 5.
You just gave me the title for the series of our lives. Haha. Chapter 12: the cocaine on the back of the hairbrush
How weird would it be for me to get 1 hour photos printed at CVS of my partially or all nude?
He texted me "sup", so I sent him that gif of the surprised guy and apparently it offended him
Are we at that level of friendship where we can share slutty stories and not hold it against the other person at a later date ?
Shit day. Some kids decided to open my car at 3 AM while I was at work and the alarm went off. I went after them with a sword but they were minors so I didn't kill them.
Randomize
