I think I should become a real estate agent in th friend zone I know the place so well
she definitely blew him on the riverbank, some lady floated past and said "have some pride honey", amazingly awkward
Hypothetical question: If a guy wanted to watch you fuck me, would you be willing to take a long lunch break on Wednesday?
Dude I think my special talent is falling in drunkenly falling in front of a cop and getting away. This is the second time.
Im chasing shots of tequila with chocolate milk right now. by myself. its nasty, but I've had worse in tjere the past couple days, so ill take it.
Megan brought her friend up last night, greeted her by drunkedly taking a piss all over her duffle bag of clothing
Please warn me if you ever end up in porn, cause I don't want to stumble across that on accident, okay?
Want to go swimsuit shopping? First one who cries buys ice cream.
He is so sweet! He thanks me for sending him dirty pix. I should keep him.
All of the hungover. I've changed not showered but can't quite make it to the booze.
WE'RE IN THE RED ZONE PLAY THRU THE PAIN
You're talking about alcohol when the smell of hand sanitizer is too much for me right now
You just gave me the title for the series of our lives. Haha. Chapter 12: the cocaine on the back of the hairbrush
His fucking flight got canceled because the president stopped at the airport he was flying out of... Fuckin Obama literally just cock blocked me
I mean she did throw a tantrum because you wouldn't let her suck your dick
Dry spell is over and now I’m drowning in a river of dick. The dam broke and now half the dicks in DC are trying get in my skirt
It’s a glorious dick miracle!
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