You drinking a lot?
No.
Define a lot
How did I get so drunk? We had to fish that girl out of the Goodwill Donation Box.
apparentely "Beer Pong Champ" is not a profession, no wonder they havent called me back......
told ya
Tell Heather sorry for burning her hair. Also for anything else that I may have done that warrants and apology. Anything after about 10pm is kind of hazy.
he kept kneeing me like he was playing footsies... only then i realized it was his dick.
nothing says platonic group sex like a campfire and smores
My mom just bought me $200 worth of booze on the condition that I promise I won't have to go to rehab eventually
Woke up this morning on my doorstep in a basket with a branch, a lipstick lightning bolt on my head and a sign that said "the boy who lived." i love you guys.
We hotboxed his closet and accidentally lit some of his shirts on fire... do we have a fire extinguisher?
Got stoned and went to Walmart. For some reason a preacher walked up and asked if I knew the lord so I just yelled "I CAN FEEL HIM IN MY VIENS" at the top of my lungs. he left after that.
I want my tombstone to read "making poor life decisions since 1993"
Welp just ran into my high school history teacher while buying a pregnancy test...there goes my veil of innocence in this town.
At a bar in the city and the whole place starting singing “Happy Birthday” to someone. Everyone but me. The person next to me leaned over and said, “Why didn’t you sing along?!?” I responded, “I don’t know him. I don’t give a shit if he has a happy birthday.”
I guarantee you he will only fuck with old bitches from now on
I blame her lesbian super powers of coercion.
Randomize
