You just left with that feminine looking guy you kept calling "Jessica." Just giving the heads up.
I think i just called up my ex and talked to her for 20 minutes about frogs and how happy i am to be wearing shorts
Michael Bay diarrhea
you know how you have to have just the right ratio of chips to sandwich? same goes for pubes.
No it wasn't her, this girl had both hands.
Did you know the Dallas Cowboy cheerleaders have an exercise show ON Demand? Yeah, I had a lonely night
im sitting in my room wearing my power rangers shirt watching a movie about a magical dragon. Ive totally forgotten what having a sex life is like.
We need to get her some penis inspired head protection.
woke up this morning with a fat chick but she went downstairs and made pancakes without saying a word.
I figured out plans for New Year's and by figuring out I mean I've got a sugar bowl of cocaine. Start at 10?
I just pulled a piece of cookie out of my bra in the middle of class. I'm forever alone.
We turned a watering can into a margarita bong.
I have no idea what that means but I'm googling things just so I can watch my thumbs move
My poor liver. I drank enough on NYE to sustain an alcohol addiction for the entirety of 2015.
He surprised me with a puppy tail butt plug in his ass and wants me to fuck him
Randomize
