I'm pouring my heart out in these texts and you're going around showing everyone???
We were so tired we rock paper scissored for who would be on top. I won.
yeah, you were trying to hump the doorman.
when did we get a doorman?
we were also in the wrong building...
I take that as "no I'm not driving you to the bar in a blizzard"
I feel the need to point out that one of the items on my to-do list for the day is "don't throw up" I have no concept of normal
Is it possible to have pulled a muscle in my neck from passing out with my head in a bucket?
just used my sex toy cleaning solution to clean my reading glasses. midterms are cramping my styleeee
Just described your amazing cock to a complete stranger. I am officially the worst wingman (chick) ever.
FALSE ALARM! I didn't piss myself, I fell asleep in the shower and then drunkingly crawled into my bed
hey, being drunk and dumb is my thing. Don't take that away from me.
So this bar tattoo not looking that great now
See what happens when I don't get laid? I make poor life decisions, like buying baby ducks.
You know its an epic night when omar the garbage man gives you a ride home at 6 in the morning.
Please don't give away my fajitas
so at target i bought condoms, on sale undies, pasta roni, and martini mix. the old lady who rang me up asked "honey are you a freshman?" yea lady i am, thanks.
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