We made it safely. Thanks for the call though.
I did that thing where I cum for no reason again.
please remind me not to sleep with group members until after finals week.
Gonna post on craigs list missed connections - "I was that really drunk bitch that threw up in your car. I'd like to pay for detailing"
Ive created a fbook group called "threesome" and invited two girls. Im not going to say a word and just see what happens.
I'm going on a valentine's date with the random guy i hooked up with in the bar bathroom this weekend...i feel like julia roberts
He walked door to door asking if anyone needed to get laid. Surprisingly, that ended his drought
I would just like to point out that someone I had sex with drove me so I could have sex with you. I deserve some type of "most loyal booty call ever" award.
Because you failed to stop the wedding, now I have to be a homewrecker. My eternal damnation is on your head I hope you're proud.
did I ever tell you about my gay jesus theory?
Thanks for letting me pee on your bed and cry about nothing to you. You're a real friend
She's blowing me while I'm watching air jaws. I love shark week.
if I dont text you back in 10min assume i am in fact still dizzy and injured myself in the shower. and call an ambulance. thanx.
i need to get drunk because i'm an angry sober
we should paint friendship bongs
Randomize
