Sometimes I wonder if my friend studies mystic Christian theology because he's afraid to come out of the closet. Evidently, it's okay to talk about God coming inside you, but not to say the same about dudes.
my lips still taste like vagina
so you liked breakfast?
ehh, still wish we woulda went to IHOP instead
Actually, all he talks about is how great the sex is with her and how crappy you were at it. Stop being a bitch and gossiping masking it as self-righteousness.
i went to throw her on my bed and threw her straight in to my bike
she's got that wholesome 16 and pregnant look.
hahaha my homeschooled cousin put up graduation pictures. it's just her standing in front of her fire place. With a hand made diploma.
Did you ask last night's taxi driver about his penis hygiene?
these marshmallows taste like mayonnaise. like playing tetris on a gameboy, that's what these marshmallows mean.
As the guy I'm having sex with on the side I shouldn't ask you how to dump my boyfriend. But you are the most emotionally detached person I know.
I'm sorry that I didn't get belligerently drunk and did not put my penis on your neck again
I said "I am wrapped in the Cocoon Of Comfort! You should go." He started to argue and I yelled "COCOON OF COMFORT!!!" silencing him
I'm just waiting for the avalanche of beef.
Funny how the post-sex UTI lasted longer than the entire relationship.
I'm eating pizza in the bathtub
I got a gay guy to motorboat me. These tits could change the world, I'm telling you.
Randomize
