This guy sitting next to me just bought a plot of land off the internet. On a whim. In the middle of class
We're so high we're finding things in the room to build a submarine with. So far we have two cardboard boxes, a piece of wood, puffy paint, and an empty bottle to use as a periscope.
we got so high we spray painted his girlfriend's UGG boots. she's CRYING. it's hysterical.
amateur piercings on our way to the beach? check.
Just picked them up. It took 6 holes and a handle of rum to evolve from golf to a demolition derby.
There's an entire pit crew of cart boys surveying the golf cart destruction.
It's annoying. I only date people who are 6 foot 3, drug dealers, or 2 years older than me.
Note to self: last nights makeup does NOT, under ANY circumstances, look good today.
He's a huge toolbag douche loser with a below average dick who doesn't know how to treat a girlfriend. He was my rebound after Brady. It was a pitiful 1 month rebound "extravaganza"
I saw this news story about two naked Satanists being arrested so I thought I should ask if you need bail money or pants
I need you to perform a face transplant. Please remove your face from your accounting book and relocate it to where it's most needed - between my legs.
I don't think he understands that his kid doesn't bother me. I have a binder full of developmentally appropriate early childhood activities.
Either go for divorced men who are forty plus or stop doing this immediately. You are 23 years old. You need more wine and less baby fever
Well, I'm most mad that he lied to you (about being married)...but the CAT THING IS A CLOSE SECOND
He called me for phone sex. Do you know how hard it is to fake an orgasm, and play Candy Crush at the same time?
I'm crying watching Rihanna at the VMAs. Periods are a bitch
Just watched someone fail a field sobriety test. Miserably. At 4:50p. I think it's my future husband
God bless him
Randomize
