Black out sex on the trampoline? yes please.
you know what sucks? talking to chicks you dont want to have sex with
i just had to wipe vomit off my fone to text you. yeah that hungover.
I get a nice feeling when i open my fridge and see it filled with thirty beers and half a leftover jimmy johns pickle.
Yeah not really sure what I said but I remember "douchebag" and "fuck your own face"
To a 70 year old lady?!
Being a slut is okay if you're being a polite slut, right?
I had a guy present me his prison release form this morning as id
Everything in my purse is 100% saturated in red wine, which made it challenging to cover up my booze breath with franzia soaked gum
I really need to stop drunk texting. My one night stand just agreed to go roller skating.
I wish you would just come have sex with me in ihop. I don't want to be here
I need you to do me a favor and hide my sword from me tonight. I'm planning on drinking my weight in vodka and I don't trust myself enough to not run through campus screaming "I AM SPARTA!" You'll be saving me a mugshot as well as saving some innocent girls from tears.
He told me I was the only person he wanted to fuck in his rental mini van. Thats so romantic for a fuck buddy relationship.
A bee came out of the shoe box and stung her. Even the insect community doesn't want her in those hideous things.
It's like the cookie assaulted me with being high.
boys just don't understand what they're missing out on.
he's missing out on my boobs looking marvelous this evening.
Randomize
