I should be sponsored by Trojan
I think you're the first person to ever call Louisville, KY a "romantic getaway".
Cops showed up at 4 am to address a noise complaint and she called them pussies for not doing shots with us.
It'd be like medium rare by now.
I love how we're talking about your vagina like it's a piece of meat.
four guys that i have slept with have come into my job today. FOUR. i feel like it's like bring your sex partners to work day.
four loko is officially banned. leave it to the kids from a state school to fuck it up for everyone
If it makes you feel any better, i gave her boyfriend a blowjob last week.
WHY AM I BEING COCKBLOCKED BY A KID PLAYING HAVA NAGILA ON THE SAXAPHONE
Travis is back on this booty and burgers thing. If I'm his delivery service for food he better fuck me how I want.
I was mid hand job and stopped me because he wanted to "connect" which meant putting his thumb in between my eyebrows and a hand over my heart and closing our eyes...
I don't want to be "that guy" but I may have accidentally sent a dick pic to your mom
I'm worried my dog collar isn't going to come in time. I might be trying on dog collars at PetSmart next week. That could get awkward.
I tried to face swap with Chuck Norris. His face was too powerful... it broke my snap chat.
I just had drunken sex with an eagle scout behind the boy scouts of america building. what has my life come to?!
Turns out dignity is priceless and Plan B costs $41.09
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