just won 30 on black! Ok adicteddd! Never coming back gqmbeqing is easy.
now my debit card is betting 1k whoops. im gongk eh be rich!!!
whoops didnt work. think the gambeli mashine is busters!! now im betting 2k?! bad idea?
You probably havent been upstairs if you think that the microwave missing its door is bad
she was wide awake when they drew a treasure map on her face the she passed out and they played like 7 games of tic tac toe haaa how was your new years
Meeting girls and telling em you have no hair on your calves is not an acceptable pick up line
Hey, umm this is awkward but I want to apologize in case you find gum in your pubes. Not sure if I swallowed it or spit it out. It's all a blur.
Siri makes being stoned even easier. I don't even Have to type my texts myself
Though I typed a half of that one
I bought new panties to console myself ... you know, because I am going to lose my ovaries. Well, if I don't die of a heart attack first. But at least when the EMS folks find me, I'll be finely dressed from the waist down.
I mean, except for the part where I was vomiting up pineapple and hot sauce, it was a really fun time.
debating what would be more effort, turning on to my other side or trying to get myself off with my left hand. that kind of lazy day.
I blasted the Halloween Before Christmas soundtrack last night so my roommate wouldn't hear me having sex. Needless to say the sex got a little weird.
The highlight of the trip was definitely my dad telling me that I "used to be his prettiest daughter."
She didn't get a tit job, she's just wearing the right size bra for once
He just stopped in the middle of undressing for sex to dip his slice of pizza in ranch. I think I’m in love.
You know when you're a kid and you play at the pool until you passed out? It was like that except instead of playing it was sex.
welp, we watched the human centipede high last night and my mind literally shut down, when i came to all i could hear was mel saying EAT EAT HIS SHIT
Randomize
