grad school is all the worst parts of undergrad, without the binge drinking and bad decisions to make up for it
just had sex with a midget and didnt wrap it... were totally gonna have a tv show :)
how do i tell her that i need alcohol to fuck her but at the same time i cant get a hard on with alcohol.
when she asked me if it was possible to swim under north america i knew it was time to leave.
and you think what you did last night was bad? at least you didnt go wake up a sleeping guy for birthday sex.
Lesbians are nicde people they do not take debit cards
omg just made cake vodka jello shots, sooooo excited
dear god these taste like death. death and sprinkles
I just won a riveting game of "who can drink the most vodka out of a hollowed out watermelon". Fucking New Yorkers.
After 7 months of nothing.. shall we throw your vagina a party? as its reinstatement into society?
Apparently I was having great conversation with this 48 year old on grindr & he was concerned as to how I was getting home.
My ex is having a baby and I'm over here planning my dogs birthday celebration...
When is the party?
you are singlehandedly the most cursed object the universe ever conceived
Sometimes the most spiritual fucking thing to do is punch somebody in the face.
Do you remember vividly describing the shape and girth of my cock to that girl last night?
everytime he speaks i want to fuck him less. i just wanna tell him to shut up and take his pants off and we could both be happy.
Randomize
