I need to find out who his wife is so I can fuck her before he gets to mine.
so i hit rock bottom, god threw me a shovel. i continued to dig.
Woke up and there was a kayak in the pool. Are you alive?
I sexy timed too hard and there is an ass shaped piece of a ping pong table now missing bc of it. How am I allowed to leave the house without a helmet?
Drunbk and roasting marshmallows on my stove. Accidentally singed the catr's fur but she'sd alright.
Note to self. Don't order a $10 bottle of wine on a 40 min flight because it seems like a good deal.
God you're perfect.
I am. So drunk right now. Good work, Frontier.
I just set a bowl of cap n crunch on fire. That high.
Looks like a took a video of myself beating off and passed out last night. I'm classy.
brushed my teeth nine times since getting home, still afraid there are pubes hiding in between my molars. fucking gummy bears
tell me you did not just describe yourself as "hot and bothered"
Idk I'm sorry it's weird to ask for testimonials on your penis
I'm developing all these feelings it's disgusting.
Nothing like a little " am I gonna shit myself " to spice up the work day
I felt like I should've driven him home but I was holding in a fart and just needed him to leave
Nothing quite like spending your evening singing Shania Twain I Feel Like a Woman barbershop quartet Style with some homeless guys outside of Keyport liquor. love Shania Twain. How's your Sunday?
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