She celebrated a negative pregnancy test by going out to Quizno's. I really don't understand her at all.
Just went outside to gather hail to use to make margaritas since we ran out of ice. That's God's way of helping us out.
There was a staple in my grits at waffle house last night. My knees are bruised as hell. And I puked pink all over my bathroom. Gooood night.
I feel like he better crank it up to level RG IV tomorrow. It's the fucking playoffs.
Don't they also have a lot of serious head injuries?
I didn't say I wanted to marry one of them. Or that I want one to perform surgery on me. I just want to have hot, dirty, MMA style sex.
You passed out and I didn't draw a penis on your face. Sister of the year.
I heard from the downstairs bathroom "WHY CAN'T I WIPE MY ASS IN PEACE!" and a pisscrate of glass bottles breaking
It's settled. One of us is going to bang her brother. The world demands justice and he's hot. We'll be the justice league if it were made of alcoholic whores
I just made some sangria and taking a roadie on my stroller walk around the hood! Parenting at its finest
I think the only option is to smoke so much weed I just pass out for 3 days.
He finger blasted me like an angel dude
I'm pretty sure I went in the girls bathroom and vomited everywhere then looked for a urinal for like 20 minutes
I guess you know it was a good night when you find your ripped underwear in your pocket, and a nerf bullet falls out of your pant leg 😂😂
Also I like oatmeal more than sex.
Me and dad were just reflecting on that time he found a gas mask bong in the backyard.
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