i learned of a new sex move called the pterodactyl. 3 guys stand in a row. 1 girl blows the one in the middle while jerking off the other two. kids these days!
Yaeh! Back in our day we had to wait our turn for some party whore to blow us!
well there you go. the average partycunt evolved into megapartycunt just like scientists predicted.
he asked me out through an event invitation on facebook, the title read Romantic Dinner For 2
we've decided whoever is stupid enough to use the condom that's tacked to the wall deserves to get pregnant.
I mean you guys are my friends and all but if you fuck with me I will not hesitate to set you on fire
Sorry I invoked the "everyones getting smacked including myself policy last night"
He showed me a picture of his baby hamsters and I called them "Mammal McNuggets"
Still slightly drunk, sitting in Hyde park village. Two small children are dancing and singing "call me maybe" on the fountain in front of me. Am I hallucinating?
I was told to keep my leg elevated. I assume it means to keep my legs on the air, it's like I was prescribed to be slutty
He carried around a bottle of jäger the whole night and when everyone thought the cops came, he started doing push ups in the middle of the floor cause he said it calmed him down.
I feel like cursing someone's first born child right now. Like I wanna maleficent some bitch.
I just bottomed with the last unicorn playing in the background. I've hit a new level of gay.
On the bright side, only one more day until we aren't sober anymore.
Hey, before I head out, whats your policy on casual drug use and one night stands?
when I finally sobered up enough to get out of bed this morning I went to talk to mom and forgot that I had TITS written in big letters on both my hands. I love drinking games.
So turns out my new assistant isn't really my assistant. The owner needed a title for his FWB so his wife wouldn't catch on. I got a three hundred a month credit limit boost on my corporate credit card instead.
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