I just googled how to quit your job and cause a big uproar at the same time....i tell you how tomorrow goes, i'm so excited....
i take joy in having bigger boobs than others
i wish peter jackson would direct porn
I just put anything in between my legs and hope for the best.
at russian wedding, no open bar. bottles of vodka at table. getting to work tomorrow may be an issue.
i had to write a bad check to buy franzia last weekend. i have my priorities in line.
Well the nurse forgot to take all my stitches out, so my surgical tools are peroxide, kitchen scissors, fingernail clippers, a pocket knife, and 11 beers. Let's do this...
no you went to jail because you don't know how to whisper when offering a cop a blow job. I'm sure him having a chick partner didn't help.
Nothing like buying a handle and a 36 pack with a baby strapped on.
Seriously? What part of meeting at Oktoberfest while I'm wearing a dirndl, double fisting, and making out with random guys screams "i'm girlfriend material"?!
I've been randomly kik messaging bearded men I find on Instagram while sitting unshowered in my underpants. I'm like the girl version of a creepy uncle.
Like you know your sex life is in a downward spiral when your best friend offers to sext you from Ireland
A young (I'm going to guess late middle school age) kid shouted at me from the crosswalk GAS PUMP OF SHAME! I have peaked in life.
I call bullshit
Call it what ever you want I just need to figure out how to get permanent marker off my cock
Just had the biggest masturbatory crisis ever.
What does that mean?
Internet is down.
Randomize
