I'm sitting at the gyno watching cnn in the waiting room
Everyone is walking funny when they come out, ugh I'm not looking forward to this
Just made my alarm the Lion King song. Too excited about waking up to sleep.
Just mindlessly walked into the mens bathroom. My vagina has now become its own independent being, looking for penises. I'm just along for the ride.
if you didn' use the plastic sword on the cop. maybe this wouldn't have happened.
Am I allowed to be in denial about being gay again? Or is that one of those things you can't do?
My phone keeps autocorrecting to the "st. Natty's Day Parade" and I'm completely okay with that
He reached a whole new level of creepy. We were getting a coffee and he noticed the girl at Starbucks name tag looked her up on fb and friend requested her right there without ever introducing himself
I'm constantly crying, and now I start crying every time I masturbate which is a fun development.
long story short, the bouquet was used as a sacrificial torch
I don't need romance, I need cheese sticks
The cops high fived after they tackled you
I woke up saran wrapped to a chair....
saw a family tailgating a graduation with hard liquor... i'm assuming yours?
are you shitting me? they told me they'd at least wait until 10am
i like beer, sex, and cooking. what more can he want?
Dennis picked up a 50 year old woman. Then he and Dan got in a fight and jumped out of the limo. No one knows what happened to them.
Randomize
