before i could say "i'm not that kind of girl", i was.
Blowing lines off from the book where the wild things are... bad babysitter?
too bad being hungover isnt a job. just threw up from 9am to 5pm
Class is significantly more awkward when you know that your teacher knows what you look like with your legs behind your head... Just saying.
Every time she shows up on my newsfeed, I get the taste of tequila in my mouth.
He set an alarm on my phone to an infant screaming and puking to make sure i take my pill. its working.
Power went out. She lit a candle and gave me head. Made some pretty impressive candlelight cocksucking shadowpuppets. Must be what porn was like in olden times.
Sorry my hands just texted you
The drunk people on this bus are singing Journey songs. This is the whitest thing I've ever experienced
Well, my family didn't see me in my drunken super slut state at Summerfest, so there must be a God.
Watching my ex make out with another girl is weird.
But she's wearing a jumpsuit so I feel better.
Do you think the police would frown on me opening a psych drug pharmacy on the side? Just to dispose of my drugs without polluting the water supply! It is for the animals!
I was planning out a scrapbook to memorialize my affair.......and that's when it hit me, I don't make good choices. On the upside, the scrap book came out great and I am glad I saved all the gate passes from the airport.
Do u think the bouncer will let me in with a giant stuffed snake?
He wanted me to do the rubix cube. He thought it was hot.
Randomize
