What ever happened to making out with a few boob grabs here and there?
i lost my airplane ticket and tried to board with a bar receipt in all the confusion. i have officially lost all brain cells in college.
security doesn't like it when we pee on cars. or maybe just not theirs?
They turned the water off again. Brushed my teeth with whats left from those pitchers of mojitos. So hung over i dont even care.
I asked him if his doormat had a name, then proceeded to sit on it for the next 30 minutes while signing that magic carpet ride song from aladdin.
That's like being smoked out by a unicorn. If the opportunity presents itself you fucking do it and don't ask questions.
Having a man strip on demand was an awesome way to start birthday. What more could a girl ask for? U the best!
We were hunting our best friend with a BB gun in the backyard. I'd say the vaporizer was a worthy investment at this point.
I'm tired of being known as the Great Giver Goddess of the Almighty Pity Bone.
May the power of my ass compel you!!
Our drunk hook up was interrupted by the delivery guy. When he came back to my room we ate the gyros and went back to sex like we didn't take a lunch break.
For not being a nurse or a sex worker I have seen an alarming amount of penises.
I bought a machete, tennis balls, and matches. How is this NOT going to be a great night?
i just want a beer and a blow job. is that so much to ask?
and i just want a ring so i can stop faking it. is that?
Just realized I've spent more nights sleeping on bathroom floors the last two weeks than in my own bed. It's time to reevaluate my life.
Randomize
