why did i save someone in my phone as corn dildo?
one word: firstdatebathroomanal
im gay
i know
yea but for you.
I got "discovered a new religion high" last night
everyone who works at gamestop is basically destined to live with their parents for the rest of their lives... so i said no.
Frozen waffles and wine. Loneliness-party of one
bring the dog... nobody goes to jail with a dog.
some girl at the bar told me my beard would tickle every inch of her body till she joy puked her face off.... that was so random and odd i just had to buy her a drink for having the guts to say it to me. WTF
When you mimic motorboating Jennifer Love Hewitt, is it really that hard to understand why no one thinks you're straight?
I just wanted to let u know that I called the taco people and informed them what the fuck is up.
No. DON'T DO IT. Friends don't let friends fuck clowns.
I let my daughters ex boyfriend take me home from the bar. Hey, at least he's old enough to drink
Your liver needs more exercise - we start training tonight.
I told her I'd rather set my hair on fire than sleep with her again. In retrospect, that was probably too harsh. My eye is still swollen shut.
His dog hid my thong. Let me tell you, the last thing you want during a commando mini skirt walk of shame is lots of wind. There’s a church congregation that knows all my business
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