Picture Ja Rule and 50 Cent having a sexy full grown love child son...He's on my bus right now, wearing an outside jacket with no shirt underneath. My fashion sense and libido are fighting it out.I'll keep you posted on who wins.
did you know they have Ed Hardy school supplies at Target? it's like folders and notebooks for little douchebags in training.
I just saw a homeless man dressed as a pirate. I love san francisco.
I'm in his phone as "nashville blowjob" he also has "cleveland blowjob" "vegas blowjob" etc. i'm okay with this.
Who is he, asking me if im dtf without a question mark
...
I was just handed a bible on my walk of shame....are you there god? its tequila tuesday's hangover
Sorry if this is weird, but please don't have sex in my truck. I get to be the first...
I'm so glad I was blacked out while I was going all exorcist in the bathroom. That's so not a memory I want.
his daughter has his phone and goesss ohhh boobies and shows me a picture of my own tits...
I also know you puked in your shoe.
That would explain the note .... I apparently wrote myself an apology note from drunk to sober me .... saying "sorry for the fancy shoe soup" .... ugh I'll never drink again ...
Apparently this establishment won't let you rent a sailboat if you have been drinking rum all morning
Like, bro, how do you think I got the idea to go sailing
You were holding onto her boobs like you were adrift at sea and they were the only flotation devices
Yup we found her. The bouncer was carrying her out
My body isnt used to all this fresh air, sun and booze....ok well maybe just the fresh air and sun...its used to the booze.
He's a wizard, there is no other explanation for how hard I came last night. None.
Randomize
