Denial is the first step to alcoholism…and I don't hate it
No, I can't hang out with Dave because he already has a girlfriend. The one with the tatoos of cherries on her "cherry." Yeah, she doesn't really make me feel spectacularly comfortable.
two of my INSANE ex girlfriends just texted me saying their coming over because im home alone. needless to say, im deleting my twitter.
Peach margaritas. And fuck whatever you're about to say, the girl to guy ratio is like 6:1. I need those odds
They thought "watering it down" meant adding more vodka
Lesbian sex in an alleyway drunk.
Omg I just met another drunk guy that is teaching me karate
Do you think she will like "you don't have to swallow this time" gift certificates for Xmas?
we have to top last new years. except im not ready for jail. that can wait a couple years
Not sure if this is better or worse than the discovery that bourbon and hot chocolate is a viable combo
Dude I sat in the corner of the party bobbing my head and singing danger zone
Did we really just set fireworks off in a cemetery? Or was that a dream?
I think so and I think we were sober.
I was drunk while I accepted my job offer. Here's to growing up.
I bought a vibrating wall dildo with my tax return. You?
Today we memorialize my orgasms. Taken from me over six months ago, gone too soon. Here's to hoping we'll see one again
Randomize
