he keeps dipping things in ranch and feeding them to me
Should I go home with him even though I know my Run DMC undies have skid marks on them?
Just witnessed a fat girl fall off the treadmill, pop a medicine ball, and drink coke out of a water bottle all in one workout.
you said "tonight pinky, we take over the world" and then came in my face
I just remember her telling me "Hi, my names Kaissa and I'm a lesbian" over and over and over and over again as I was crying.
And nobody saved him?? That chick had like three teeth TOPS
What is an appropriate "thanks for saving my life" gift? I don't have any experience with this.
I'm definitely going to class still drunk right now and the freshman dressed as Hugh Heffner last night is texting me. I can't handle this.
This guy keeps going off in the metal detector. When is it appropriate for me to punch him in the throat just in case?
So is it safe to say that my only objective from last night is to finish this entire jar of peanut butter?
I just handed a girl a slice of pizza and she handed me her number. Is this how Vegas hookups normally begin?
I say I hate my boss but I find myself jerking off to him more and more with each passing day
I owe you an apology, I was appointed captain of this sexy fuckship and I fell asleep at the helm.
I had sex with him for the first time drunk, dressed in a toddler overall tutu costume, at 2pm. Horrible start.
RESIST THE DICK
thats like telling me to resist drinking water. impossible.
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