I think the sex offender registry is kind of a VIP list. You get to not live near noisy schools and parks and all your neighbors get to know you.
did it hurt when the cum got in your eye
not so much hurt, more like a stinging sinsation like mouthwash
She told you broke her computer after the little square in tetris wouldn't rotate for you...
his cum tasted like old pizza and looked like old milk
the homeless guy was waiting for me this morning. this is the closest to a boyfriend ive had in years.
we used a swiffer mop as a stripper pole.
Stripper with the black hair and lip rings is still asleep. Found out she wasn't lying when she said she was a squirter, it was like splash mountain.
took some adderal to make my alochol withdrawl less shitty. now im just concentrating on how badly i need a drink
And if I could both stabilize myself *and* pick things up with my penis... Well, I wouldn't be on the fire dept...
You shut your whore mouth, we don't talk about Drunk Nutella night.
I forced myself to puke in my garbage can, and the next day I bought a new one and burnt the old one. You could say it was a rough night
yea I went to the store high again.. I think we're having pie for dinner.
So, just saw a lady hysterically sobbing in a Walmart at 3 AM. Someone's not having a happy mother's day.
I just set my messenger to Away so I could run downstairs to masturbate. Working from home is the BEST
I just found a piece of dried shredded carrot on my bed
Randomize
