i blacked out hard core.. it was bad peeeed muh bed
There is only so much cookie dough and masturbating I can handle in one night.
Finished drinking tea out of a red party cup when I was done I flipped it without even thinking
Set off the fire alarm in our dorm at 2:30 am last night. 150 Naked people wrapped in towels shared a bag of popcorn with me as we watched the firefighters frantically search for my burnt popcorn in the building.
OMG THAT WAS YOU?!
beware of the wheat thins...there might be a knife in it
he walkred up to the manager at dennys and said 'look, my friends passed out in your bathroom, can i go get her?'
come to Starbucks. I'm the fat girl eating a whole pizza sitting on the ground
I need to get a life, I am either crying at every glee episode or just wanting to blow rails off photos of us
Look at my fb. It says single. That's the gospel.
The drag queen we did coke with is going to be on Ru Paul's drag race. I feel so proud.
Safe to say I'm terrified but totally AMPED
I just love that it's Veterans Day because I know in my heart that I have serviced some of their brethren in the dirtiest, hottest, most shameful ways possible.
This will never work. His dick is smaller than mine.
Wow. And yours is kind of small.
RIGHT?
If I don't get alcohol poisoning from tonight I don't think i ever will.
I texted him: “Come over for the Super Bowl. I promise lots of scoring.”
My divorce is turning into a porn script
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