Made out with some random "plus sized" young lady. She let me kiss her boobies. It was like I was 6 months old again.
Penelope Cruz needs to learn American words.
Did you dl zombie porn on my computer?
Just saw a Mexican guy pushing a stroller with 3 twelve packs of corona in it with a toddler struggling to keep up on foot behind him
Exactly. All of us sinners go to hell and get nothing while all of the goody two shoes get to go to heaven where its all pink floyd, lasers, and pot.
Ive never seen someone more dtf than a soaking wet drunk girl who stumbles into your backyard.
Can I use you as a job reference? Don't tell them i got you fired cause I banged you tho
Then he said something about how from that angle I looked just like his mom.
He pissed on a police station. Then expected to not be arrested. Sounds accurate.
Any chance I can buy my dignity back with $45?
i just thought a plastic bag was my cat. i just pet a plastic bag. that high.
It got weird the panthers lost and we started throwing wings at one another
found a thong and $20 in my right pocket. it's going to be a good day
It's not my fault, Tequila turned all my alarms off.
What's a really polite way of saying "you have gravely overestimated the value of your vagina?"
Randomize
