What are you talking about? And how drunk are you?
Both
he was pretty good aside from the whole putting his tongue on my butt thing
Guy having heart attack in McDonalds. Classic.
Should we discuss the rug burns on my back or just save that for a separate conversation
no. it doesnt count as road head if youre parked
the cab driver asked if you were our mom. you definitely shouldn't have tipped him so much.
Wanna play whack-a-mole in my pants?
Your word choices worry me.
OH MY GOD! I CAN FEEL A PULSE IN MY BALLS IT HURTS! ITS LIKE MINI FEMINIST NINJAS ARE ATTACKING MY BALLS!!!
i need to stop establishing animals as safe words. Giraffe and Penguin are really awkward words to say during sex
fuck that its my house. if i want to take 1 bite out of the chicken & leave the rest i fucking will. suck my dick
He got hotter. I'm offended on behalf of the rest of our graduating year.
What's the polite way to tell someone she's a grown ass woman and she needs to start acting like it.
I only spent $42 at the bar last night, it's some sort of miracle.
you do remember it was dollar beer night, right?
That answers my next five questions
u would mumble something and then get unnecessarily loud and say random shit like 'id fuck the shit out of taylor hanson right now'
There's a lady rapping at me about making healthy food choices. She lives in a refrigerator. This is not okay with me
Randomize
