You know its bad when you're praying for a hangover just so you aren't still drunk at work anymore.
the liquor store lady asked about three times if I was sure about buying two fifths of everclear. i told her I wanted to be on cops
She was crying and singing Taylor Swift on repeat. I'm never drinking with her again.
WHOA. WHOA. WTF. WHOA. TOO HIGH FOR HIM TO BE ENGAGED RIGHT NOW.
every time i recognize a doctor or patient at the hospital on this rotation, i just pray it's not from my blackout saturday makeout slut moments...professionalism shouldn't count on weekends
Someone asked me what I was drinking, I was drinking rum, but I was also eating starbursts so i told them "daiquiris"
This is a great bar, except you can't even randomly burst into song without them assuming you're drunk and cutting you off.
We woke up in the room with a hamburger patty on the bed side table, one bun across the room, and the other bun under my pillow. Still don't know who ordered room service.
I may or may not already be in your hot tub when you get home. I have a key to your house and no shame.
You poured your drink on him and called him a "useless cocksucker" because he wouldn't give you a ride home... on his skateboard
I knew you were super hungover. But so hungover you fire our house cleaner because her vacuums too loud is excessive
How do you tell a woman that you are seeing that the scars on your back are from her awesome-in-bed little sister?
I don't think I used nearly enough fucks in my reply to convey the level of fuck him.
Did you really eat 10 ice cream cones today?
It was tough but I powered through it.
the fact that I've been his fuck buddy for a year, and I'm pregnant isn't bothering me. the fact that he didn't tell me about his girlfriend does.
Randomize
