He fingered me while we both sang the fresh prince theme song.
Marry him
well, atleast the road to alcoholism is fun.
Day 3. Will have to postpone job hunting by a month. May have blown out my knee. Was sunburned on Friday. Now look painted red. Still alive. All worth it.
I woke up to my dog trying to clean my vagina.
yeah you're probably right.. i should stop equating love with getting naked on a webcam for him.
She just referred to her vagina as "this bitch".
There was an Altoids can full of urine in the bathroom. I do not want to know what was going on in there.
I don't save the phone numbers of guys I don't like. That way it's a surprise when a random number texts me and tells me I have great tits.
Pretty sure that molly fried my sinus infection away; i regret nothing
Lets watch game of thrones and have sex every time someone is naked. It'll be like a drinking game but better.
My dick has a subreddit
I'm trimming my pubes right now and the battery was wearing down. So I chose to only trim one side. I cut the right side down and now I look like pubic two-face. Right all trim and near and left like a caveman.
Oh man. I am high, watching The Office and getting pancakes. What a country.
So this is what bad decisions tastes like...
It's 1:37. You have 23 minutes to get your dick to the bar before I go home with the bartender... tick... tick...
Randomize
