I'm confused about why you felt the need to ask me to buy you life alert for christmas at 3:28 this morning.
Yep we found him face down in my sister's bathroom begging for blowjobs without mustard
What did I eat last night that was bloody?
She said I told her "I'm to drunk to take your bra off." then she said I walked out completely naked to go watch tv.
Well call me tomorrow, it's a great story that may lead to me being fired and/or possibly being buried in a shallow grave somewhere out in wine country.
We'll I told him I wanted to keep it PG last night, but then later I asked him to take his pants off. So i'm guessing it was my fault.
I thought it was a myth but I have just reached the age of sitting on my balls. Not a fan.
I packed spaghetti and rum. But panties? Nah
No more morning sex. Just for once, my vagina would like to go to work bone-dry and bone-free.
Last night I flashed a car full of people my tits for a bag of pretzels so yeah I'd say I was at least tipsy.
The picture on Facebook I was just tagged in, with the mask, that is the definition of Carmen, my drunk alter ego
I think he might be using me for sex. I also think I might be ok with that.
ITS THE CIIIIIIRCLE OF SLUUUUUUUTS
I woke up naked with a Jason mask on and a fat lip. What happened last night?
Baked out of my mind. Went in the bathroom, a daddy long leg spider and a carpenter ant are battling it out on the floor. I brought my computer with some dubstep.
OMG THE ANT WON
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