I solve my problems like an adult, at the strip club drinking on a work night.
there is nothing more satisfying than playing sudoku while pooping
Shiiiit I think I'm getting sick. probably had something to do with the fact that i shared my mouth with everyone last night.
Wait. That came out far sluttier than I intended.
Just tipped at a bar in cheerios. Suck it.
Everything smells like syrup. But I guess that's better than last time when everything smelled like beer.
I can't really talk right now. I'm getting on a plane to Oregon to go give a guy a bj. I'll see you in three days.
He kept spanking me and talking about biomedical science.
Aw, you fucked a pre-med? you're moving up in the world!
I don't remember anything but yelling at the ref in Spanish.
theres a kid in a leopard robe and sunglasses filling up a gas tank. i miss college
New justification for blow: drug week; 'how it's made'
But first time having sex and he went down on me twice?! I'm gonna marry this guy
I'll make sure to include that in my bridesmaid toast
P.s. remind me to tell you about the porno that Paul envisioned starring you. It's wizard of oz themed.
2nd year in a row being a arrested before school starts...tradition at its finest
im actually so stoned and hungover i feel like a bag of jello stuffed into a human shape
is it still the walk of shame if his dad gave me a 'thanks for sleeping with my son' head nod on my way out this morning?
Randomize
