You're pretty and everything..but you aren't worth the DUI
im giving 12 year olds life advice. this is probably illegal somewhere.
can you pick up eggs and chocolate sauce on your way home?
what kind of party is this?
the best kind ever
This text is addressed to sober me: getting drunk by yourself may have seemed like a Good idea at first bit it can tell you that it wasn't ad fun as you thought it would be
Ps your lap top bag is FULL of empty beets
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I'm turning twenty & the only honorable way to exit my teens is by slapping the fuck outta the bag. You better be in.
I have good news and bad news. Bad news, she's not in porn. Good news, I found porn.
When we were having sex last night, I told him I would replace him with tacos
We had a One Night Stand 6 months ago but he just Facebook invited me to his wedding. Who the fuck does that.
My cat is staring at me while I drink my wine on the bathroom floor in the morning instead of attending class. Sorry mom and dad. Sorry cat.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
My cat just tried to lay on my stomach while I was masturbating. And I let her because I am so starved for affection.
Is it rude to say "I hate you because you live inside Hillary Clinton's asshole"?
Must be why he thought choking was foreplay. Like WTF? No.
I got home and found him passed out in my tank top so i think i'll put lipstick on him and mass text a picture to everyone in his phone. that's what he gets for eating all my wheat thins
I just realized now that I slept with him while he was still wearing the maid costume... I've reached a new level of sexual freakness.
annnnd thats why you don't tip your waiter by flashing them
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