Why are there hot girls at the dollar store?
The recession has changed everything man.
i feel like a thai whore the morning after the navy left.
I just found a Chris Hansen soundboard online, care to guess what I'll be doing all day?
smoking a cig and getting head on the last night of my cruise. and she doesn't mind that i'm texting you right now. this is now on my list of top 10 nights of my life.
You told him you loved him!?
I mean if he translated "Zi luve ku" as that then yes.
I want to know him. He looks like he makes really good breakfast burritos.
You opened a bottle of wine with a shoe and a wall last night.
I just found a list in your handwriting titled "Places I've Peed." The National Mall and 'under the second bridge after the bend in the road' are two of the tamer entries. I tip my hat.
whose ass print is on the piano?
Your first mistake was not throwing your beer at the RA and running
I may have just made our entire microwave glow green. Like big green. Like spark and make me shit green.
Like worse than the time I blew up the microwave with the egg green.
i'm teaching a bunch of people how to grow weed over snapchat. no shame.
I told him to send me a dick snap for my birthday. To personalize it, he drew a candle coming out of the tip of it so I could blow it out.
He wore a t-shirt that had an arrow pointing to his crotch and "DO IT FOR THE VINE" on it.
At least he's honest about how long he'll last.
I was so high last night I honestly think my tears were medicinal
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