Glad I put on jeans. You could measure my ass sweat with a rain guage.
dude...I wrote 15 jersey shore quotes on her body. she is going to do the walk of shame with snookie on her forehead.
She got her phone back last night. And the first thing I sent her was a picture of me pooping in a culvers bathroom
My mother just asked me if i ever swallow the goods...should i be concerned?
did you know that snuggie is the perfect anti-freak out aid for stoners? it weighs you down so you can't go anywhere. just sit there and enjoy the movie, that's right.
Is it physically possible to shit out my own bone marrow? Because if not, then I need to see a doctor immediately.
you just knocked on the window of the ambulance and waved at me as we drove away
I HAVE A PIGEON IN MY JACKET.
I'm going to do lines of vitamin c I cannot be sick for halloween
Obviously you've never slept with someone who was deliverance level inbred.
Doing a circuit workout and using a power hour playlist for my 1 minute timers. I am getting old. creative, but old.
He makes balloon animals that get you high? Hell yeah invite him over!
In the words of my step grandma "whatever makes your pussy happy"
I am talking to a naked lesbian about robots. I think this means I win life.
Dude they are making elephants out of dollar bills. I'm way too high for this
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