Your date looks like the Cloverfield monster. good luck.
This is evicking siegelnvs
Im sorry?
This is fucking ridiculous*
Apparently oprah and I were in competition to see who's ass could get bigger this summer
I puked off the balcony.
Not horrible
Into the hottub. There were six people in it. I had eaten all their pizza.
Our phone convo was getting intense. Then I heard her say "quiet mommy is trying to have phone sex"
I made $300 today by selling pizza @ $4 a slice to nerds who refuse to leave the library. God I love finals time
idk if you're aware of this...but we could potentially have the greatest hate sex...ever.
you kept going on about how you couldnt haven been the one throwing up because you were peeing in circles.
Okay Im going to go have some sex apparently. I hope this chick is prepared the zero effort Im going to put into it.
They high fived mid Eiffel Tower, then we all proceeded to talk about how our friendship is much stronger now. I'd say a successful first threesome.
I need a burrito and a hug.
Cory and I accidentally had a sexual adventure last night.
How do you ACCIDENTALLY have a sexual adventure?
we're all going for beer and wings at 7. inflate your girlfriend and bring her along too.
So do you remember the bartender that caught me when I fell off the bar 4 weeks ago? He hasn't been to work since...Woops.
Welp. June's off to a great start. I just ripped my pants, completely sober, at 10:30 p.m.
Randomize
