ha. weirdest feeling ever. just wiped my ass with my non-dominant hand. (eating cheeseburger with right one)
Your grandmother is in heaven weeping.
dude your girlfriend loves you alot..she yelled your name lastnight in bed
He made me stop in the middle of giving him a blowjob so he could go get his glasses. because he "wanted to see". I need to stop dating nerds.
I just remember taking her cat for a walk around 3 am then falling asleep in a slide at the park
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I do. There's a bald headed guy whose kinda hot. I might rub his head. I've only had 2 beers
I have a cup of vodka in my bathroom with a straw in it. Yes, I am ready for this bikini wax.
I made out with all three roommates...I didnt realize that was actually an awkward situation.
Well since its impossible for me to swallow a pill this big I'm making wine slushies out of them
It's times like this I miss having my nipples pinched
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
My aunt comes over, haven't seen her in 4 years. First thing, looks me up and down and goes "...yup, that pair ripened nicely. Theyll get you some free drinks"
I think you were raised by the wrong sister
She's passed out laying in the middle of the street. Cars are honking at her and going around her body. We need to stop playing BONECRUSHER.
Too bad, iambic pentameter is a drunk specialty of mine.
Met a beautiful Irishman two nights in a row. I may never come back.
I just ran into my psychology professor at Planned Parenthood she asked why I was there and I asked why she was there and it turns out we both had a scare.#bonding because of abortion.
The only food I have to eat is weed gummies and magic mushrooms... This is peak 34
Randomize