I tried to use my car keys to open my door
I just started a sentence with yellow.
dude, your ex-bf is on match.com
details on that.
well, his profile doesn't say anything about herpes.
I have a story that starts with Nutella and ends with sex in the laundry building at RIT.
I just saw a pair of panties stretched over a fire hydrant on campus... I need to get the fuck out of this town
I'm driving to work with an ice pack on my vagina. how was your weekend?
The guy that just projectile vomited over the balcony is now going down to find the pill he just puked up. He said he wasn't about to waste $15.
Nothing like a $37 iTunes bill. Jesus Christ do you know how many $2 beer/shot specials that is??? The answer is 16. 16 beer/shot specials.
DUDE, DID YOU KNOW YOU CAN JUST RENT AN ELEPHANT???
Oh God.
Weed is now completely legal in Colorado and Washington. I repeat weed is now legal! I'm putting a deposit down on a house as we speak.
ROADTRIP.
I don't remember but we shouldn't have a problem. Unless drunk you encouraged drunk me not to wear a condom.
I think we have a problem.
Well you finally jumped into that tree you've always wanted into and some girl gave you an 8.5. You were very happy.
American Eric just peed on us from the second floor. Hes now very confused as to why his "toilet is yelling." Send help.
Basically she credited me and my dick pic for boosting the moral of all the Safeway workers
I was masturbating and a roofer walked past my bedroom window.
I didn't even know his name until he texted me the next day and told me I should take a plan B pill. Thanks Danny.
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