Did we have sex?
No you put the condom on then passed out on the bed so I left
I rubbed one out into an envelope and mailed it to her. Game point, I win.
Just saw some guy walking down the street rapping about various types of pasta.
He came in asked for the bathroom and came out 10 minutes later dripping wet took his redbull and left.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Her little brother walked in right as I was finishing and was like "uhhh hey there's a lunar eclipse outside"
Apparently Bin Ladens last act of terrorism is cock blocking me....
They have a booking log online so i can just check that instead of call
Technology: making bailing your sister out easier since 2008
The chlamydia really affected his face.
There is someone hissing in the hallway. Not even a typo. Not pissing. Hissing. Like a large cat. Or a komodo dragon.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
On the train at 650am after a night of clubbing and running away from a new zealander who was buying us beers but also licking windows
just almost had a panic attack because i couldn't find the granola bar i put in my purse. i miss klonopin.
I fell on my face, puked, and had to be rocked to sleep in a hammock. I'd say Europe is a success
In her defense, she didn't know I had a twin brother. Plus, we're even: I banged her sister.
I DONT HAVE A FUCKING JOB RIGHT NOW. DO YOU THINK I HAVE TIME TO WASTE GOING BACK AND FORTH WITH SOMEONE WHOS LYING, ABOUT LYING, AND JUST BEING A LIAR? HONESTLY, YES I DO HAVE TIME. BUT I HAVE A FUCKING LOT BETTER THINGS I COULD BE WASTING MY TIME DOING. LIKE ORGANIZING MY POKEMON CARD COLLECTION.
You know you're getting old when you pick up hot sorority girls at the bar, and they write down their phone number, and under it 'we're great babysitters!'
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