med student doing my blood work at the AIDS clinic just hit on me after I told him i was having unprotected sex, but didn't think i had HIV.
SLUTTIEST. 4TH. EVER.
So they're giving me a CT scan because I probably have a hernia. From getting a BJ from you. Really. This may be a pivotal moment in my decision to write a book about my life
i miss our vodka / percocet laundry days.
They wear helmets and mouth pieces when they drink...u down?
I always forget that visiting my hometown is like a who's who of ugly people.
I walked out of the bedroom naked holding a used condom only to be greeted by half of my family. Happy birthday mom
Ugh he's texting me.
Tell him you're no longer interested in what he has to offer; his shitty personality outweighs his sexual prowess.
A little sexual choking never killed anyone. And if it did, they died happy.
I am debating about my sub. I am not quite sure I can be the dom he needs.
I like how our relationship transcends the borders of inappropriateness and encompasses all the colors of the inappropriate rainbow.
You need to be on (or possibly create) the international emoji committee to address all of these glaring oversights
I JUST BROKE A NAIL MASTURBATING. WTF I could even enjoy my orgasm bc now I'm gonna have to spend $50 on my nails.
It figures that the only time one of my videos on Snapchat gets replayed is a video of my Hedonism Bot impression and NOT my nudes
FUCK YEAH PUPPY BOWL
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