why do they call them blowjobs? ....unless i'm doing it wrong?
You even been so high breaking up weed with your fingers feels like surgery?
She came over with Guinness cupcakes, a case of Mickeys, wearing an Ireland flag & nothing else.
He just made a mudslide using rubinoff and swiss miss packets. This can't end well....
UPDATE: WE WILL BE HITTING THE BATMAN PINATA WITH A SWORD
wanna tell me why theres a glass of water stuffed with tamptons in the freezer?
So this 40 year old woman was trying to bring me into the bathroom to blow me and the bartender called the cops on her because she was showing her tits. Only in asbury.
literally 50% of my time being 20 has involved my genitals thus far
tried to make it look like I had been conscious/awake and out all day when I stumbled into cvs at 6pm to buy plan B
update: I failed
Jager makes that raccoon appear... The one that shits in a basket in my living room.
Now I don't feel like I'm sweating cheeseburger all the time.
I decided to have a date tonight. Back on horse I go. Or aiming to be on a horse cock one day. You know. However that metaphor goes.
I just want to smoke weed and be the little spoon all winter. My modern day hibernation.
I'm mainly pissed because I shaved fucking EVERYTHING for this. WITH SHAVING CREAM. Men do not appreciate how rarely that happens.
And then he peed in my hair
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