we were exchanging secrets last night... she told me about how she put markers in her vaj in middle school. found a keeper.
I'm going to show my kids 2 girls 1 cup just to scare them away from porn
she went to type in rate my professors and rate my pussy came up in my recent searches. needless to say, i will likely be masturbating to the aforementioned site tonight.
He had rug burn on his nose from my landing strip
someone needs to make a hangover cure that isn't cocaine.
Europeans suck. I just gave him head and somehow i am the one paying for the coffee
Apparently I tried to convince him to sleep with me by showing him that I could do dips....
TONIGHT IS GOING TO BE A FUCKING BLAST. EVEN IF I HAVE TO SET OFF A BUNCH OF FIREWORKS IN YOUR KITCHEN.
So I was putting on a condom and looked to my right to not make eye contact, she said did you just look at the American flag while putting that on. I said this one's for Team USA.
She's blowing me while I'm watching air jaws. I love shark week.
Most of my life can be described like an HBO prison drama.
Interesting fact: if you wanted to rename a guy Jeff, just tell him you only fuck Jeffs. Magically whatever name he was using is actually his middle name cause he doesn't like going by Jeff.
No, Ethan, handcuffs and friendship bracelets are not "basically" the same thing.
His nipple licking is glorious
The neighbor just poured gasoline on his 2 brush fires and proceeded to shoot Roman candles at them 🤔
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