so the guy behind me in court for my DUI hearing got a DUI on a lawnmower at 1AM...he is my new hero
My 10 year old brother handed me a pack of condoms and said "here, i don't wanna be an uncle yet."
You told me when we were leaving the club if I could pin point your nipple through your padded bra you would show me if I was right.
I'm single as of 11 minutes ago. I was the chick who drunkenly tried to climb into bed with you 2 weeks ago. Wanna make this happen?
We can add pilot to the list of people who's lives I've changed...with my penis.
Sweetie, don't go home with him. You can do so much better. Everyone else at the bar agrees.
I'm thinking about wearing a strap-on just to freak him out the next time he pulls my pants off.
And the cockring thing wasn't sexual.
I have no idea. He was just running around wearing a horse mask yelling "bumfuck" repeatedly. We figured we'd just let him get it out of his system.
I'm slowly getting to where I don't hate people anymore.
Never mind. Some random dude just walked past me and asked if I was having fun. I snarled at him. I might still kinda hate people.
I'm just the girl with the breathalyzer keychain, and I embrace that.
i'm gonna crowd surf you onto his dick
Have you ever been so drunk you pass out in the cab and everyone goes inside and forgets about you? I have
Would it be totally wrong, that in honor of princess leias death, I role played as her??
Why does my mask smell like doritoes?
Randomize
