The first thing on our $10,000 damage bill was "condoms in the main drain"
9 am. shotgunning while conditioning my hair. i love college football season.
i cleaned out my closet and found 7 beers from 2007. ive had 3 so far.
he drank a monster margarita at dinner. had to ask me if it was dollars or minutes that ended in 60.
Just heard the new 'We are the world' ... Can I get my 10 bucks for Haiti back?
Dude you were sitting on a bench on the street with her for 45 minutes thinking you were on the bus
And then you'll find yourself a hot chick and leave me behind with nothing but my back fat to keep me company.
I love you more with every blowjob.
You should write for Hallmark.
Just asking. Could've given you a lap dance in a sombrero, drenched in corona and tequila.
God Bless cinco de mayo
It started out as friends with benefits and now I'm picking up her kids from daycare...what has happened to me
I'm hiding in the bathroom at the library but there are children here I just want to drunk cry in peace
All im saying is that my face might fall off.
He left stubble rash on my thighs and cooked me bacon before 9am. I need to lock this down STAT
I need to stop adding people I want to bone on LinkedIn.
..... starting now
They weren't kidding when they said "Go Army Strong." Best sex I ever had.
Randomize
