That chick was all over your bacon last night, grinding on you, I thought you were going to bang her in the club
Dude it was a lap dance
I don't think your that much of a whore. your like a whore-let. a mini whore.
batman just walked across the sidewalk
lay off the drugs
no for real he was wearing a cape
I love online classes. Spent the last part of my lecture taking apart a teabag and filling it with weed.
I feel so much closer to you now that I heard your poop splash into the toilet.
The only thing worse than being arrested is the fact the cop confiscated my green dinosaur costume.
I am undressing in in n out. They migit ca5l security. Are you provn d6 me?
OH MY GOD. SO PROUD.
I'm eating cheerios out of the palm of my hand while I pee with the door open. Is this adulthood?
I need a costume for that party. Even if I'm just taking it off.
We just stood outside and debated the existence of mermaids for about 20 min. Is this what too drunk is?
Dude. Woke up this morning wearing that chick's panties. 8/10, would recommend. I love tequila.
I looked like a tiger in heat. He didn't know if I wanted to fuck him or eat him.
do you know why there was a glass jar of hot chocolate and a traffic flare in my shower?!! like where did that even come from
this is the second night in a row i've fucked a guy i met on craigslist. and it wasn't even a post for sex. i posted a housing ad. A HOUSING AD
she was just meowing in the corner eating frozen chicken nuggets
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