I wish i was in the wii world.
She told me at midnight she would blow me harder than a new years party kazoo
At what point in your drunken state would you actually believe that the cops wanted to party with you?
By round 4 of the Dead End shots, I thought my jaw was dislocated ... Best invention EVER.
if you need to find her look her up on www.imastupidslut.org
.org?
yeah. they're non profit. helps them sleep at night.
What's grosser: using a dirty sex towel as an oven mitt? or using the oven to reheat superbowl bean dip for dinner?
It's okay though. My mom didn't believe that they were mine cuz they were magnums. Having a surprisingly large penis ftw
antibiotics and champagne: breakfast of champions
I may have just made our entire microwave glow green. Like big green. Like spark and make me shit green.
Like worse than the time I blew up the microwave with the egg green.
Just made a bong out of a pineapple. So yes.. And champagne is about to be popped
Spent the majority of my senior year drunk. Graduate of 2011, I think 2011. Probably.
You are cordially invited to an I'm not pregnant laser tag celebration tomorrow. booze is optional.
Sex and compliments. The way to my heart
he tried to have the "are we in a relationship" chat last night. I stuck my fingers in my ears, yelled lalalalalala very loudly at him and told him I would stop having sex with him if he ever tried that conversation again. bad person, or just being a realist?
I bet he’d be surprised by the epic blow job he’d get if he stopped talking about his wife long enough for me to get in the mood
Randomize
