went to the bathroom to piss, saw puke in the toilet thought wtf i dont remember puking, then turned around to find a chick i've never seen before passed out in my shower.
you started crying because you didn't get to wear your rainboots this week so i turned on the shower and let you jump around in it
youre the best friend ever
ill find time for any girl whos not afraid to grab my junk in front of 100 people
This was worse than the time that I shot a bald eagle.
you threatened to puke on the table cause they didnt serve eggs Benedict
Do you remember giving me altiods and wishing me good luck on the walk home?
Haha, you kept saying the cop was going to give you a ride home b/c "that's his job, it's summer."
When u wake up, don't be alarmed by the passed out mariachi band, they're cool. Muchos gracias
In a cab. Towels everywhere. Confused.
im like basted in vodka, i went tanning and it was like i was an alcoholic turkey being cooked in a locker of doom
They made up a new version of "Smash or Pass" called "I would(n't) let you sit on my face" to yell at the freshman
He put his number in my phone as Steve handsome
You ghosted you're own booty call. Wow what a sad sad man.
There are only a few things more freaky than wandering around a zoo drunk.
I wouldn't have found her if it wasn't for the vomit trail leading into my brother's room.
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