Sacagawea was the original milf.
I woke up face down on my laptop with three windows open: itunes, chat roulette and redtube
you kept insisting that i was jake gyllenhaal and you were heath ledger.
I tried doing a handstand in the middle of the bar and I ended up kicking this old guy in the face and broke his glasses. Thats how I got kicked out
he walked out as i was licking snow off of his car...
the awesomeness of being snowed in wore off after we ran out of beer and we realized we really didnt want to be stuck with everyone.
What if our hands were octopus tentacles?
You're an idiot.
Haha I haven't even had my interview yet and I'm already trying to fuck my way to the top. 'Merica.
This will always be remembered as the Christmas I had 15 Russians sing christmas carols to me at 130am alone in a gas station while I was stoned on pot brownies
I slept awesome next to you. You're like an electric blanket that I can have morning sex with.
We perfected the quiet ass slap during sex so his roommate wouldn't wake up.
2016 is coming through for me, I'm renaming it the year of great dick
I checked her ID this morning. Lets just say...she's older than my mom
We laughed, we cried, we fucked, we shirked our familial and work related responsibilities. They could make a movie about the last 40 hours of our lives.
Granted every 20 shifts of working there you seem to be on par to receive some sort of racy satisfying sexual encounter which money can’t buy
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