I just shaved my legs while pooping. classy or trashy?
talent.
so was this before or after i puked down the ice luge?
i came on her dog
Lost another pound. Switching from beer to hard liquor did this body good.
3 things. 1) we need alcohol 2) we need alcohol 3) we need tortilla chips. Let's make a plan. Bro shakes and salsa.
$150 bar tab covered by these tits. That's now the going rate. Keeping my bra on during sex unless i see the Benjamins.
I apparently started to text you last night. All it said was 'the whole clam'. I hope that means something to you.
He is currently pregaming mini golf. MINI GOLF.
If this first date goes well and I like him, I won't sleep with him. But if it doesn't go well, I'll sleep with him.
You got me so high that I almost couldn't leave my house for a bar because there was nothing to lean against on the way there
I'm going to teach Troy such valuable life lessons. Yesterday I told him to stay away from girls who drink redbull and vodkas.
Don't be alarmed by all the Dick cakes in the fridge. But please don't eat..i accidentally broke one in half you guys can eat that one. Its labeled free Dick
if i dont text back till morning its cause i turned my phone off and changed my password to something i wont remember to stop myself from drunk texting...RESPONSIBILITY
I just tinder matched with a blue angels pilot. I need to make out with him. For America.
I'm sorry I keep drunk texting your boyfriend sports updates.
That's okay. He needs friends too.
Randomize
