You're the unicorn of the gay community. Unbelievable and unattainable.
Since when is my name a synonym for head?
I wonder if you can snort coke upside down
I didn't take her seriously until she snorted that ramen noodle flavor packet...
He picked me up from the airport wearing nothing but a trench coat and a bow on his dick
I wonder if they have a "21st birthday" section in the hospital..
he kept saying that we were in ian's fun time place and then continued to act like a dinosaur.
Being drunk is way better. Seriously, I just licked your brother to make sure my spit was actually real.
You can't mix blow jobs, bacon, and Star Wars.
A) just did. And b-z) that sounds like a great Sunday morning.
I lost a shoe at the club last night, I think that's when I decided to go home.
I really appreciate you taking the time to blur out my excessive boob cleavage for instagram
I have more important things to worry about than you drowning your cheerios in tequila.
you tried to fight the cop who was busting the party, you said you had a constitutional right to do a keg stand...
If he’s halfway attractive, employed and cool with me having boytoys, I’ll marry him
Dude I had my dad cock block me once
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