dude she's married.
so? a ring don't cover no holes.
Drunk man just did a hand stand, fell over, knocked over a whole table of desserts, and didnt lose his cowboy hat. winner.
mom and dad sent me an easter basket full of beer pong supplies again.
I don't understand how anyone could look at him and think, 'Yeah, that's a good idea.'
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Either way, he made a blog for his cat.
they would be such cute babies and they would grow up to have huge dicks. and that would make me proud as a mother
If he's dead I'm so gonna get the blame. I have his passport, keys and his tooth in my purse.
It's like when your main girl and your side girl start having their period in the same week
You are the most depressed sports fan I know
You know what would make this walk of shame even better? Picking up my cap n gown on the way to my car
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The lady at the Humaine Society gave me her nephew's number because I seem like a loving and caring person.
Does she know that each time you've adopted a new cat in the past year it's because some guy stopped fucking you and you don't want to eat your feelings?
So worth it. Come over for bacon egg cheese vusquit later. 12. I slept with Jimmy? On my period? And told him he had mother issues? No tequila. Tequila bad.
Wow. Memory lane. What a horrendously unsightly jizz stain on the tapestry of life.
Does anyone remember last night? Because I still don't know why I now own a goldfish and a ceiling fan made of pizza?
im about to bake her parents a "thank you for making such beautiful babies, ive had sex with all 5 of them" cake
You know that episode of Spongebob where Patrick teaches Spongebob to be fancy? His dick was like that, only fancier.
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