Do I need to let your sister outside to go pee or anything before I leave?
Skinny jeans should not be made in size 14. Then, it's just a lie.
i live my life in a constant state of hangover.
your ability to fuck hot guys even when you go out in sweats amazes me
Before he took off his pants he paused and said, "Remember..sometimes great things come in small packages."
They called security on the security guard who tried to break up the party in their suite. You tell me how drunk they were.
its friday night, im aone in my apartment and eating 2 year expired canned fruit, naked. i'm not single or anything..
I'm sorry I ignored your high cries for help while you were grating cheese on my dog.
That's the point of day drinking, get fucked up by 6pm so you can get stuff done the next day. It's the adult thing to do.
She looks like a beluga.
I want to splash her with water and when she screams say "I didn't want you to die. You looked parched"
He's gonna do me a solid for doing her a solid. It's like pay it foward. But with sex.
Will Smith has a direct hotline to my emotions
ya I went to the grocery store literally just for cheese and condoms
I woke up next to him with nothing on and my thong around his neck. I just put my clothes on and left, but he still has my thong.
Apparently I told the mayor I want to be a trophy wife
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