fuck, i think i'm broken. Alchyhol air mattress = the suck.
Annd you probably wouldn't of fallen down the stairs if you didn't insist on taking 'finale shots'
His best friend walked in while we were banging, turned on the light, yelled BURN, grabbed his computer to play the Thunderstruck drinking game, turned off the light and left.
It is scary how often "just flash him" is your advice.
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Its like a zucchini between his legs. An orgasmic zucchini.
Found my other fake eyelash. In a condom wrapper...
In brighter news I got condoms and a mattress protector today.
Can't a woman sleep on the floor in her own apartment in peace without being judged?
What is soo wrong about a house of half-naked people hugging each other and laughing?
The pinata full of drugs?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Dude she tried to bite my face off last night, literally. I have never actually felt like a piece of meat until that point in life...
I've literally NEVER been on a date or gotten through one episode of netflix without having sex like I JUST WANT TO WATCH TRUE DETECTIVE
I'll be honest, I too would punch the 21 year old version of myself in the face, and then have rough sex with him.
DUDE!!!!! THERE IS A MIDGET HANDING OUT RICE KRISPIE TREATS!!!!!! WHERE ARE YOU WHEN THE COOL SHIT GOES DOWN???????
Dilemma. I'm out of wine and I can't put on clothes to go to the liquor store bc I just got spray tanned. If this isnt white girl problems I don't know what is.
I teamed up with my vagina. I compromised his morals and then she corrupted him for good. It’s been a very successful and slutty partnership
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