Just checked, might have creepy crawlies. What does chlamydia feel like? Not near wireless to consult webMD.
you wouldn't stop saying "oil can" in the tin man voice until I gave you back your flask
I need to stop sleeping with republicans and cowboys fans.
despite contrary belief, getting peanut butter off your balls is not as easy as it sounds
This went bad. Everyone is crying, i dont know why and I am really uncomfortable.
I'm not sure...it could be the pasta I ate from her sink, the dominoes, or just the alcohol. Or a wicked combination of all 3.
my mom was in labor with me for 32 hours, it's only fair to start drinking now.
Dude, she brought over peach cobbler, weed and alcohol plus I'm gonna get laid. She's by far the coolest sister you have.
I just peed in a flower pot on the veranda while crying and holding a drink
Life for us students isn't all fun and drunken lesbian affairs you know
We had a weird moment. Mid-sex he started talking. It went along the lines of "I. FUCKING. LOVE.....this condom..."
It's called the dick transitive property. It states if you touch a person whilst they touch a dick, you are also touching said dick.
Just made a bong out of a pineapple. So yes.. And champagne is about to be popped
You just get me
I'm the wind beneath your wings, bitch
Double-fisting ice cream and wine. Do not send help.
Randomize
