dude i've broken up a marriage, I think I can handle a simple engagement.
I'm quite proud of this turning point from one night stands to giving some guy a BJ to fix my car for free.
seriously though jaeger and i are fucking done professionally
Just gave some kid head in the library. Perfect way to end the semester.
Dude I'm looking through my old high school year book and I circled every girl I fucked.. what was wrong with me.
Exactly, finding that perfect flask to come with you on all your adventures is like finding the perfect wedding dress. You have to feel it.
He told me I handled myself pretty well considering how drunk I was. He failed to realize that the lollipop I had was one I found on the ground a few minutes before hand.
God and karma are having a fucking field day with my body today.
I bought an american flag today and by god im gonna fuck someone on it
DC is easy, you will figure it out.
I'm drunk and blonde. You are wayyyy underestimating this.
I mean, with your nipple problem im surprised. #hangacoatonem
I went to a community college and majored in Bad Decisions. I'm not exactly a chick magnet.
lmao he sent me a snapped but i'm afraid to open.
i think i have dick pic PTSD.
I feel like any time there's that much rope, lingerie, and horse masks on the ground, it's safe to say it was a great night
My boss spotted an injured PIGEON outside the front door this morning (at 3:30am) and requested that I catch it and take it to the vet. Catch it with what! Take it where!These requests have gone too far...
Randomize
