I just got fire extinguished by his roommate while we were having sex. That's just taking cock blocking to a whole new level.
I was so hungover that I had to stop in the middle of the game and throw up. The fans cheered.
your boyfriend is drunk and yelling to the bar that he loves his cats
Good thing you didnt wake up last night. Wouldve found me naked talking to my closet asking to borrow my towel.
Idk how she did it. Either she watches freakier porn than I do, or I really need to go get tested.
All I I know is that there's 2 new contacts in my phone. Drunk Backdoor and Gayass Handshake. Thanks, Jameson.
Its like "fucckkkkk yooouuuuuu" is echoing up my esophagus
tequila?
yep
If man night ends at some point, hit me up and let me prove my vagina still exists.
Moral of the story is go have sex with a foreigner and report back to me.
I just sold my hat for three car bombs. I call that a win.
You were great dude. You wanted to charge the guy with fedora $100 to get in.
I'm cutting her off I can't have my good name soiled with these kinds of shenanigans
Shit is preposterous
I finished OITNB and broke it off with my fuck buddy in the same day. It's going to be a rough week
I'm sharing a breakfast burrito w my uber driver
i'll explain later but cookie monster is playing the xylophone
Randomize
