If i could bang her from 80ft away, I would
They need to add a relationship status option on fb that says "having the baby of..."
The guy i fucked last week got done first on the test in my 900 person class. If im pregnant at least it will be smart.
She tried to wake me up by touching my dick. I kept pretending to be asleep.
I woke up wearing nothing but his lifeguard whistle..
Well i have to fuck at least one of your roommates this year to keep the tradition alive.
Just come back with most of your limbs...and your dick. Please and thank you
Just had sex with your cousin. That's what you get for throwing away a perfectly good microwave. Hopefully you learned from this experience.
Oh we will ALWAYS be together. Or I'll have to delete my Facebook altogether. I've drunkenly boobie trapped photos of us into every album. There's no way I'd ever have the patience to go through that deletion process.
Fortunately for myself I'm twice as smart and half as drunk as everyone else. All things considered I'm leaving here three-to-five times richer than when I arrived.
The squirrels are partying on my roof again. Now they're just rubbing it in that I'm home alone on a Saturday night and they're having orgies.
Get the fuck back here. Your brother taped bottle rockets to the front of his scooter and is bombing around screaming, "Rest in peace, Goose!"
In unrelated news guys should not ask what I'm doing/wearing if they can't handle an honest answer. I'm not pretending I'm not sitting on the couch in yoga pants watching Community so you can beat off.
I'm nothing if not determined to sleep with everyone at that company
I’ve wanted to home wreck him since their wedding. It was a dream come true
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