I think taking a nice shit is a lot more satisfying than an orgasm. This is probably why I'm single.
The walk of shame has never felt more glorious... I think it's the somberero
Do you understand how much easier life would be if fannypacks were normal
forced to watch US open for father's day. only perk is discovering dustin johnson...reeeeally hoping that this golf sex addiction thing is contagious
I've got my laundry in the car, tonights 1 night stand pre-req is an in suite washer and dryer. Let's do this!
DDing is such a bittersweet job, just got the entire history of this girls hookup career
And all you did was hit on me and do things "for America", so you weren't judged heavily
i've created a new STD.
You don't know weird until you've had a musical wet dream about your older brother.
PICK ME UP NOW I THINK THIS MOTEL IS A CRIME SCENE. also congrats on your engagement i saw the post on my phone while i was climbing out the window
I may have unintentionally punched your cat twice but he's an asshole anyway.
Thank you for trusting your ovaries to me
All I've had to eat today are potatoes...and by that I mean vodka and chips
You ripped the leaves off the top of a pineapple then rubbed the rough skin part all over your face saying "this is how you mate with other species"
My arm is completely dead, never again will i give you a 20 minute hand job. You better have enjoyed that asshole. I have to text with my left hand now.
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