Flying to Orlando on the 7th is cheaper than the 8th by like three margaritas.
He's a firefighter, who has his own band. I'm pregnant just thinking about him.
Dude apparently i ran into the middle of a half marathon last night and some how won
i think i had to give the cab driver my id to get home last night because i couldnt talk.
Well yes but because of that incident i now salute to truck drivers
remind to leave next time the words "tequila" and "challenge" are shouted
We are magical, pot smoking, smart as hell, single as fuck, woodland dolphins.
There is pretty much a target on everyone's lips when I am drunk. EVERYONE
hey now, it was 6 bucks for 5 shots. you would have lost your panties too.
Either of you know why the shower was on and the bathroom door wide open with no one in there at 6 in the morning?
Btw, I feel the need to make sure we have no misunderstanding about this. So here goes. I'll happily mess around with you again. However, I probably won't do it while you're dressed like a creepy clown. Or any clown.
You threw up on his face 22 hours ago and now he's here holding your hand. I think he likes you.
Can we both just take a day off just to have sex? Is that acceptable as an adult?
I'm gonna go parent style on your ass... I don't ask much from you but if you could please just come get shitfaced with me I would really appreciate it
On a scale of 1 to i should hide, how deep did i dig my grave?
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